More than most I'm aware that other people's dreams are incredibly boring; that being said, I'm going to tell you about one I had last night, just because I can't think of anything else to write about at the moment.
I was in a small appartment, living with some pregnant girl, though the baby wasn't mine, but that of a friend, now deceased. Various weird goings on, culminating in the tipping over of a blender full of milk caused the pregnant girl to run away, though in my dreams I am far more intrepid than I think I would be in reality, so I stayed on to investigate. My method of investigation was fairly unorthodox, and involved nailing the head of a toy doll - one of those big almost spherical ones that is rubbery but comes from a doll with a hard plastic body - to the wall. For some reason I was very nervous about talking to the doll's head, and could barely get my words out, but when I did it responded by nodding or shaking. In an effort to further communicate, I nailed the arms of the doll underneath the head on the wall, but it wouldn't answer to this, so I began to punch it repeatedly.
At this point, the doll became the head, arms and torso of an old woman, still stuck fast to the wall, who grabbed hold of me before pushing me back. We began to talk, and she explained that she only wanted to get rid of the girl because apparently, she was full of poo.
I know, it's been a long time. Do we still have any readers? Will Pete and Brendan notice my return?
Well the subject that has drawn me back is the new Destiny's Child single, much discussed elsewhere no doubt, but it can probably stand a few more lines from me, just. It goes without saying that it's a thousand times more radio-friendly than anything Beyonce put out during her solo stint; three bites out of the surfboard of pop are better than one, especially if the teeth are steely and the eyes rolled back in the head. Those sharp orchestral stabs sound like 'In da Club' sped up and played backwards (though to be honest, the call to arms of 'Can you keep up' sounds like more fun than any competition with 50 Cent, which is likely to involve working out and comparing scars, you know, like Mel Gibson and Rene Russo do in Lethal Weapon 3). It also has a brilliant video.
Digressing a little. I've always been a sucker for those choreographed en masse dance routines - you know the ones - the zombies in 'Thriller', the school kids at the end of 'Baby one more time'. It goes back to West Side story I suppose, still the only musical I can stand. Ok, now everybody jump at the same time. Bliss.
I also love the economy of the track; as far as I can tell there's only about 50 seconds of song, repeated over and over, drummed into you by the relentless, slightly too fast percussion. It leaps instantly to the top of the heap of Destiny's Child songs.