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Wednesday, November 05, 2003
  wednesday

This is a lot of sweat. Is it normal to sweat this much? It's worrying. And embarrassing in public. I missed a bit shaving this morning and have this stupid clump of stubble under my chin. What's wrong with my feet, all that dead skin, it's horrible, like permanent blisters. And my toenails, jesus, they're disgusting. I should stop worrying with my hair so much, it keeps falling out, I might go bald. Why do I shed so many eyelashes? It feels like there's something in my eye all the fucking time. Really have to exercise more. Energy levels appallingly low. Nothing ever feels stretched, could spend the whole day on a rack, or hanging from the bannister, and it wouldn't be enough. Sometimes when I stretch really hard I think I can feel my hips popping out of joint. Fuck. Aren't muscles supposed to be things that make your body work, why do they ache all the time. All my muscles and things feel coiled up inside my limbs, not taut or springy or anything they should be. Sometimes when I take a step my knee buckles. That can't be good. My legs aren't strong enough. I get out of breath so quickly. Shockingly unfit. Jesus, my diet, it's terrible. Do the carrots you get in the sweet and sour chicken from yumi noodle bar count as a portion of fruit and veg? what are these stomach cramps I get, are they related? My digestive system is really fucked. Heartburn every day. This cough, ok, this isn't even funny, I've had it for about 16 months now. I think it started after glastonbury 2002. and now I'm smoking, what kind of stupid idea was that, to start smoking at this age. Should have got it out of my system in school. It's the stress. Always hacking. I must have tiny lungs. My teeth aren't happy, that's for sure. When was the last time I went to the dentist? They're all chipped. I don't think my piss is yellow enough. Another dietary deficiency no doubt. I should pay more attention to the guys next to me in pub toilets, to be sure. My eyes are definitely getting worse, as if that was possible. Staring at a screen all day, it's so obvious. And sitting in this position, shit, posture, what a joke. Shoulders rolled forward, back like a jelly. An invertebrate. Spineless haha! was told I walk funny, my feet touch the ground in a weird way, geez, it's not my fucking fault! What's in store. Arthritis? Oh no I forgot the RSI! Better than it was but still a nightmare. My fingers spasm, when I'm walking, I find them tapping keys in thin air. Shooting pains up the forearm in the afternoon, oh man this really isn't good. Speaking of fingers why is there so much dead skin around my thumb? It's always been there. That wart on my finger is bigger than it used to be, and it hurts in the cold, how strange. My sinuses are itching too, how can I be getting hayfever in november?
 
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