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Sunday, November 30, 2003
  Aren't those Ghost Ships tremendously impressive looking? All that psoriatic paint-work; the rust and age and creaking. It would probably be worth getting lung cancer just to wander around one for an afternoon. 
Monday, November 24, 2003
  A dog in a stetson limps into a dusty western saloon, and props himself up on the bar with a great wheeze. "I'm a'lookin for the man who shot mah paw..."

In other news, I am working on something, honest. Sometime later this week probably... 
  get in!

the pill box is back, oh happy day! very exciting and all good etc. having spent the last few months wandering aimlessly through his archives (trying to find that thing he wrote about the girl on the tube, it was beautiful, and i couldn't find it, is it still there??) seeing fresh new ian penman is stupidly great. "lazy, mad, drug addled, pretentious, unrealistic" indeed

one other quick note, hello, if you're reading this, i think there are a couple of regulars, this place has been very quiet for a while, which is a bit rubbish, especially considering that some people have said some very nice things about it's all in your underwear, and i don't really go in for these self-conscious state-of-the-blogs posts, but i thought i'd just say, especially after matt's lovely tribute to the dedicated isolated blogger, a community of lonely goatherds (the opt-outers), it does all seem a bit rum that we're hardly ever here, on my part at least it's 100% due to a 100% lack of interesting things to say, can't speak for phil or b of course, but anyway, just to let you know, if you're there, that, as ever, it's all love 
Wednesday, November 12, 2003

didn't hear about the n*e*r*d gig till it was sold out. so didn't go. remembered justin was in town for the mtv awards and thought, maybe he'll turn up. middlebrow, i dunno, i guess. their show at the astoria on valentine's day this year was heart-stoppingly beautiful, we all floated away on a big soppy cloud of love and positivity. don't recall the crowd seeming too 'middlebrow.' can't believe i missed it this time, and missed justin too, oh i would have screamed like a girl.  
  the lexicon of love

NYLPM is fantastic at the moment - in one of freaky trigger's signature formalist exercises, stevie trousse appears to be moving through the alphabet and writing about whatever takes his fancy. great stuff. personally was very excited to read the the entry for B, on green gartside. anyone who knows me knows that scritti politti have been this year's chief obsession. cupid and psyche sounded like my favourite album the first time i played it, and i am now deeply in love. stevie mentions a bootleg of 'absolute' (a song that somehow, i'm sure, *sounds like* being in love. something to do with the combination of little starbursts of primary colour synths, sounding like synapses popping in your head, the sweeter-than-heaven vocals, sung from the edge of the most beautiful cliff in the world, terrified by the immense beauty of it all, the heavy, warm bass notes that sound like a new world being discovered every time the chorus hits (the astronaut steps down the landing ramp of his ship, and realises that the stories were right, there is a better place), and the flat, pounding beat underneath it all, the single-minded drive forward that provides an unshakeable structure for everything else to hang on too. the audible swoon of it all. and the line 'holy girl, you kiss away the meaning of the working day.') with 'like i love you' (a song so in love with itself, with you, with the world, with love and life and lust, that you can hear the stupid grin on its face, the delight in its discovery that something as simple as a riff and a beat and an electronic bleep can sound the richest most exquisite thrill imaginable, it's a song you want to swallow you) which i must track down, if i ever get into this downloading business, i'm not, when is there the time???

but anyway, what stevie says about the bootleg, that it "makes vivid the premonitory beauty of Cupid & Psyche" is very exciting too. this is what listening to that album has been like, it feels like a utopian vision that hasn't been realised yet. i know nothing about 80s pop music but as far as i can tell, cupid+psyche predicted a future that just disappeared. i want to know: who heard that album, and what music did they make? did that path just dry up? it's not challenging or difficult music, it's all about the simplest and most instant pop hit imaginable, so why does nothing i can think of sound like it? the suggestion that it's only now, with our own millennial pop (the 'like i love you' connection is vital because it's the neptunes, not timbaland, who represent now-pop best; no-one ever says this so fuck it, timbaland, yes, visionary, futurist, scientist, genius, etc, but when it comes to a high-sugar pop fix the neptunes push my buttons much faster and more effectively, i dunno, this is bollocks maybe but you get the impression they're just a lot more single-minded about the basic elements of unforgettable pop: y'know, like, cool sounds, catchy riffs, and hooks HOOKS HOOKS!), that suggestion is ultra exciting, just because i think, before the most recent golden age of radio pop (99-02 or thereabouts?), i think i'd have to go back to the time of scritti 85 to find a mainstream pop (not talking about hip hop) that sounded so delirious with its own power and so confident that it was creating the future at the same time...fuck it i've lost control of this idea, ah well, maybe you get what i mean. 
Saturday, November 08, 2003
  to the Gym three times a week but there’s no feeling like being out on the river - I’d train even if I didn’t have to but I do have to and I’d be letting the guys down if I missed a session. Anyway it keeps me in shape keeps me focussed and alert and I’m working much harder now than I ever have, headhunted by a guy at the gym and it’s all very hush hush but basically I could be raking it in five years from now. You’ve got to have goals you see or you never feel like you’re getting anywhere and that’s what I like most about my job you’ve got fifty guys all competing for the same position at the top all hungry for the money. It’s like gambling only with other people’s money which doesn’t mean it’s not serious it means you’ve got to really push yourself to the limit gotta keep your eye on the ball. Lunchtimes - if I get a lunchbreak - are all about squash for me or maybe a burst on the treadmill on the hardest setting to get the heart-rate up there. Charlie in the afternoons because it’s that edge on your colleagues that makes you the best makes you feel alive I hate looking in the mirror these days but after the pub I come home and strip to the waist and the lights really show my abs. Triceps are the thing that really do it for me though I work hard on my pecs and my biceps because that’s what the girls want even though my girlfriend refuses to do a line off my chest even when it’s shaved she says it’s perverted. She takes all the supplements which means I do too and we’re probably a real dream couple but neither of us want commitment and anyway I don’t want to buy a house until I’m older I’m fucking her sister but she doesn’t know and her sister doesn’t care so long as I give her cash 
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
  be careful out there

'Experts in the paranormal estimate that as many as half of all the people you see walking on the streets of London may in fact be ghosts.'
- the free magazine on the tube last week 
  don't read this

read these:

citta violenta



i feel love


This is a lot of sweat. Is it normal to sweat this much? It's worrying. And embarrassing in public. I missed a bit shaving this morning and have this stupid clump of stubble under my chin. What's wrong with my feet, all that dead skin, it's horrible, like permanent blisters. And my toenails, jesus, they're disgusting. I should stop worrying with my hair so much, it keeps falling out, I might go bald. Why do I shed so many eyelashes? It feels like there's something in my eye all the fucking time. Really have to exercise more. Energy levels appallingly low. Nothing ever feels stretched, could spend the whole day on a rack, or hanging from the bannister, and it wouldn't be enough. Sometimes when I stretch really hard I think I can feel my hips popping out of joint. Fuck. Aren't muscles supposed to be things that make your body work, why do they ache all the time. All my muscles and things feel coiled up inside my limbs, not taut or springy or anything they should be. Sometimes when I take a step my knee buckles. That can't be good. My legs aren't strong enough. I get out of breath so quickly. Shockingly unfit. Jesus, my diet, it's terrible. Do the carrots you get in the sweet and sour chicken from yumi noodle bar count as a portion of fruit and veg? what are these stomach cramps I get, are they related? My digestive system is really fucked. Heartburn every day. This cough, ok, this isn't even funny, I've had it for about 16 months now. I think it started after glastonbury 2002. and now I'm smoking, what kind of stupid idea was that, to start smoking at this age. Should have got it out of my system in school. It's the stress. Always hacking. I must have tiny lungs. My teeth aren't happy, that's for sure. When was the last time I went to the dentist? They're all chipped. I don't think my piss is yellow enough. Another dietary deficiency no doubt. I should pay more attention to the guys next to me in pub toilets, to be sure. My eyes are definitely getting worse, as if that was possible. Staring at a screen all day, it's so obvious. And sitting in this position, shit, posture, what a joke. Shoulders rolled forward, back like a jelly. An invertebrate. Spineless haha! was told I walk funny, my feet touch the ground in a weird way, geez, it's not my fucking fault! What's in store. Arthritis? Oh no I forgot the RSI! Better than it was but still a nightmare. My fingers spasm, when I'm walking, I find them tapping keys in thin air. Shooting pains up the forearm in the afternoon, oh man this really isn't good. Speaking of fingers why is there so much dead skin around my thumb? It's always been there. That wart on my finger is bigger than it used to be, and it hurts in the cold, how strange. My sinuses are itching too, how can I be getting hayfever in november?


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